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What To Ask Someone Who's Gender Non-Conforming

Posted on Saturday, January 16, 2010 in Genderqueer

Some people don’t know how to handle dealing with a gender non-conforming person. I don’t know why this is even an issue because everyone should be treated with kindness and respect. But, it came to my attention that some people feel the need to ask about gender identity when they come across someone who’s non-conforming. Personally, that question annoys me. My gender is of no concern to anyone unless I want to sleep with them. I am a person – not genitals. With that being said, a question that makes me feel warm and fuzzy instead of like someone is trying to box me in is: “What pronouns would you prefer?” It’s a respectful question rather than simply inquiry after my gender identity which I may not even want to discuss.

If you want to learn more about gender, try Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely. It’s a good book and you might discover something about yourself you might not have known.

Bring on the comments

  1. Pythos says:

    How I want to be treated? With the same kindness and courtesy I show them. That’s it. You don’t have to like me, just be nice. It ‘s not that hard. If you do have questions, ask nicely in a nice tone. Don’t make me think I am doing something because of the clothing or appearance I present.

  2. nome says:


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