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Feb 22

Metta lyrics: Day 1 and 2

Posted on Tuesday, February 22, 2011 in Lyrics

I’ve been writing lyrics for awhile now and I figured I’d share some lyrics with you. Enjoy! Right now I am working on getting a cover of a Rudimentary Peni song down on my guitar – once it sounds decent enough, I’ll post a recording.

Title: Shifting the Gears.

i am the manifestation of the human spirit unbroken and unconquered by the oppressive machine of society. I fell through the gears – I broke the mold – and now I am a wrench tossed in those gears that molded me. I turn my back on the machine and aim to destroy my maker without destroying myself. I am the revolution – in mind, body, and soul. I do not drown my sorrows in substance as my edge is ever sharp. I breathe to overcome all obstacles that obstruct equality and freedom. Breathe in conflict – breathe out resolution. My mind has been carved from within. I took off the blindfolds that covered my eyes, the plugs that deafen my ears, and the binding the bounded my body. I feel, see, hear, think, am what others ignore, can’t or chose not to see. I am not alone. There are many of us. When we come together the world will shake as we burn as one. It will begin the end of the generations of masters and slaves.

Title: The Center can Hold

i don’t have much
but i have my ideals
so at least that’s something.
i have my core.
so at least that’s something.
i have bands that have came and gone
that share my philosophies.
we may not be winning but
i am never alone even when i stand alone.
so that’s something….
that’s something….

Feb 18

METTA returns and other updates. The villagers rejoice. :)

Posted on Friday, February 18, 2011 in Current Events

I started a recording project about two or three years ago by the name of Metta – meaning “loving kindness.” It didn’t get very far as I felt my lack of knowledge of music hindered the project. I’ve been taking guitar lessons on and off for the past few years now and I am ready to resume the project.

I am trying to decide what to work on first. I should have something to soonish. Some noise for your ears.

I’ve been coping with personal issues? Not to give out too much information, about a month ago, my medication stopped working and I had a mental holiday from reality so I’ve been healing from that. It’s no different than having a broken arm but it’s a more invisible wound. It’s not easy.

For the past few months, I’ve been a hermit, really. I’ve been regrouping. I’ve been figuring myself out and what’s important. By that, I mean, how to cope with being so “extreme” in a less committed world. Most people aren’t as driven as me to be so dedicated to their beliefs and I had to learn to be more accepting of other people’s…. indecisive nature. I believe I am progressing. I “tolerate” being around meat now but I am not sure if it’s more of indifference that I can’t do anything to change. It’s being mature and accepting that *my* choice is the only choice I have to control. That even comes to things I disagree with. I’ve just been figuring out how to be *me* and stay true to myself without missing opportunities to get to know people who are a little bit different. I am trying not to be judgmental even of things I despise. People are define by what they do – not what they do if that makes sense and I am figuring that out.

Other projects on the table: I am also thinking of resuming a project to catalog the queercore and punk rock I have to introduce folks to new-old bands. I am really, really bad at writing reviews. I can’t tell a guitar riff from a bass line or drum patterns. Does anyone know where I can learn to listen to music? I am learning slowly with learning to play the guitar so I figured I can try to fake it until I make it.

I started working on a novel before my break – I am going to resume it. It’s going to be a straightedge approach to the occult about dipping into the left and right but ultimately walking a neutral path with a splash of a
Beautiful Mind with a queer touch.

I also have my business – Breathe. Resist. that’s going well. Going to work on some new designs for that. I added making malas – Buddhist prayer beads to the inventory. They are pretty rad for keeping counts of chants. To answer the unanswered question, I don’t believe in “god” as an atheist – however, I do believe our intentions manifest themselves so I try to put out positive vibes with everything and even bless my food. Which is why I sell prayer beads for Buddhism/Taoism, it’s not so much a prayer to a deity like with other paths but a wish for compassion, kindness, love, happiness, and peace for all sentient beings. Plus, I tend to follow eastern philosophies at heart. It’s about kindness and love. That’s that.

So, I’ve been coming up with new ideas and talking the ears off of people who know me to the point they are like, “Enough, Jess! Write more!” so I just might do that. Some topics to be covered in more in-depth in the near future: The Dharmaparadox (aka Jess’ theory of reality), more about living/being mentally ill, and how to stop hatin’ and start lovin’: how to cope with oppression.

Feb 12

What to do with the blog?

Posted on Saturday, February 12, 2011 in Uncategorized

I would like to see turn into a more interactive community with maybe a few other writers besides just me. I’ve been pretty busy and unable to attend to the blog with the attention it deserves lately. I just don’t know what to do with the blog. Ideas? Suggestions? Resumes to write? I am open. I want to find other people who get it. People who don’t need laws because they are so conscious they would never do anything to violate universal law to begin with. Help?


Dec 16

FREE Genderqueer Pendant and Feminist Fist Contest!!!

Posted on Thursday, December 16, 2010 in Contests!

The goods up for grabs:

Items will come with free shipping anywhere in the world.

In order to win, a full 24 hours must pass after your post without additional posts from anyone else. The thread is on etsy, here:

Good luck!


Dec 7

New Patch Designs!

Posted on Tuesday, December 7, 2010 in For Sale

New patch designs are up on my etsy – Check them out.

Dec 5

How to Make The Holidays Good For Everyone – No Joke. Pass It On.

Posted on Sunday, December 5, 2010 in Current Events


This has been a real hard year for almost everyone, and we just had a chance to celebrate Thanksgiving and express our thankfulness for what we have with our family and friends.

With the holiday season upon us, we have a real chance to share the joy of this season with those who are less fortunate than we are. It is often said, that the joy of a gift is not receiving one, but giving one.

My daughter has reminded me of how many people are hungry each and every day, we are reading about how many people are seeking food from food shelters, and such shelters are running out of food. We discussed this and she came up with a wonderful idea for the holiday.

If each of us decided to tell just one person not to give us a gift, but to buy a gift card to a food store (say in the amount of $25) which we gave to a food shelter, we could make a difference in the lives of many people.

Please ask someone to give you a gift card, please send it to a food shelter, please truly be part of this holiday season, no matter your religion or belief, this act will help those less fortunate then we are.

Pass this e-mail onto 10 friends, if you do, there is no promise of any riches, but there is a promise that you will feel better and you may help save a life.

Nov 19

Something is afoot… I don’t know what but something is.

Posted on Friday, November 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

I’ve been feeling…. something for the past week. I am not really sure “what” it is… something in the air, maybe? It is very unsettling whatever it is.

Last week or two ago, I had someone recommend me some music. I checked out the lyrics and it was all about chaos magick. I didn’t investigate it more as such things are of no interest to me anymore.

This week, I had someone talk to me about magick. In particular, Crowley. The last person who talked to me about Crowley – I never saw again. I don’t think that’s it though.

I also had a friend who had a “ghost” problem – I offered to help with it but they didn’t need it.

Also, this week I’ve started to get involved this local atheist group. Much to my dismay, some of the members of the group aren’t merely “without god” but wish to wage spiritual warfare against all religions. I am not down for that. I am neutral.

I can’t help but have the feeling all these things are related somehow but I just don’t know how. I feel as it something is on the horizon that I just can’t quite see.

Oddly enough, the idea of becoming a monk seems like a good idea. It is very possible to be a Buddhist monk with being an atheist.

I don’t know. I feel the need to teach compassion, kindness, and love. Not my version of compassion, kindness, and love – but the type that is align with what I call, “universal law.” I am just at a wall on how to and who to.

I am just stumped and the energy in the air is making me uneasy.

Nov 16

Question: Did you like meat?

Posted on Tuesday, November 16, 2010 in Vegan

I LOVED meat. I was called “Wimpie” like from the cartoon Popeye’s who would always ask him for money today and would claim to pay back whoever on Tuesday for a hamburger today – by my family. I never really made the connection between “chicken” and CHICKEN and ground beef and COW until I was like 10 or 11. I remember the day actually, it was a Friday night dinner and we were having a nice meal, and I was like, “Wait…chicken -is- chicken?” and my family looked a little embarrassed and was like “Yes.” I stopped eating for a moment – I never knew about vegetarianism until I was 16 years old and since my family ate meat for almost every meal – I didn’t really think there was an alternative. When I first heard about vegetarianism when I was 16, I thought it was the oddest thing. One of my cousins went vegetarian and it was a big family ordeal. I was too desensitized at that point to really do much about it. I kind of felt like Hamlet – walking so far in blood – that it’d be just as messy to retrace the steps as to move forward or so I thought. So, I just didn’t think too much about it.

Bounce ahead six years, and I had a complete mental breakdown. Basically, I developed schizoaffective disorder (which is under control now) and I really thought I had a satanic cult after me plotting to eat me. Turns out, it was just my serotonin was non-existent and my brain chemicals naturally got out of balance when the illness set in. I had a handful of people picking on me at college and I guess it was beyond my comprehension that people could be mean for no reason whatsoever so instead of thinking “Oh, they’re being crassholes,” it was “OMG, they are plotting to eat me.” It was a slow development and people talking to me about cannibalism, satanism, and random stuff that was unrelated that somehow got connected into this dark epic tale. Anyways, I -knew- something was wrong, went for help, and everything worked out okay. I didn’t know what was wrong but dude, when you think people are plotting to eat you – you either need help because it’s in your head or you need help because of impending doom.

Anyways, a day or two after my complete mental breakdown – we went out to eat and it dawned upon me that eating meat was wrong. I didn’t know about factory farming or environmental issues that went into it – but just had this moment of realization that eating meat was unnecessary and caused much suffering for the animals. Plus, I didn’t want to be eaten, so I decided to extend the same courtesy to other beings. Chicken fingers -were- my favorite food at that moment but I didn’t want to be a part of causing pain to another creature. So, I stopped.

It took about a month to get myself off meat. I tried to go cold turkey but I felt really weak and crummy so for about a month I ate meat once a week. After that, my body didn’t need it anymore (or maybe the chemicals in it, haha) and haven’t gone back since.

I went vegan about a year ago when my conscious couldn’t handle oppressing cows and chickens. Rather, I thought I could deal with that on my conscious – but it got to the point I couldn’t bring myself to eat animal products anymore. I’ve been vegan ever since. 🙂

Nov 15

Question: what do you think happens after we die?

Posted on Monday, November 15, 2010 in Theories

Someone asked this on a forum I am on – I answered and I thought I’d share my answer with my readers:

I’m an atheist but I have two ideas. One, what you think will happen is what you’ll get. The reason for this is that we create our own realities – and there’s infinite possibilities of where things can exist. If you exist in one place – you exist everywhere. Therefore, in someone’s belief that “you” are in “hell” there’s some version of “you” occupying that spot because that’s what someone else wishes for you. It might not be “you you” but it will be their manifestation of you, get it? Which is why I personally think it’s horrible that Christians believe people are going to hell because they themselves have judged you and condemned you to eternal suffering.

But, I don’t personally believe in the heaven/hell dynamic. Energy can’t be created or destroyed -only changed. With that idea – our mere mortal perception of space and time is an illusion. Very grid-like and linear. Basically, with the idea if something exists it will always exists in that point in time. Hence, we are immortal since we will forever exist in 2010. I think time travel is possible but not within your own universe – like you can go back in time and end up in a universe full of vegans or something as ever possibility is possible and played out in some alternate reality but not within your own space-time dynamic. But back on topic, what -you- do means another -you- in an alternative universe can’t be the same makeup. This universe would be incomplete without you and everything that happens is supposed to happen. I have a theory of the universe that there’s only two moments: 1 and 0. Basically, I think in the moment “nothing” existed that “Something” was created that caused the big bang. It’s like a flashing light the universe – nothing – something – nothing – something…. it repeats endlessly forever. That theory I came up with goes along with the idea that the universe eventually collapses onto itself and starts anew. So, basically, everyone is both alive and dead at the same time in actuality. You don’t need to fear death because you are already dead – counterwise, you are also alive and immortal. I call this occurrence the foundation of life – I coined the term “Dharma Paradox”. Basically, things exist in paradoxes. For example: without long there can not be short. Everything creates it opposition. It’s paradoxical but true. I believe that non-life created life just as life can create non-life. So, really, there’s some phantom of yourself watching physical you. Here’s the catch – to your physical being – you only live once but you actually have lived for infinite time. You live once but forever. When you die…your energy just changes. Death isn’t death but just another state of growth. We only -view- it as an end because we can’t see what’s beyond. Also, I must throw out that we are all “one.” Basically, everything is energy – we are energy beings. You are energy. You share electrons with things you are close to – everything in this fabric of reality is connected. What you do to others you are really doing to yourself too. Basically, you are everyone and everyone is you. Rock, tree, cow, chicken, oil spill, all good, all evil that has been and was and every will be – all me – and you are me and I am you. Get it? So, you live -once- but you also live countless times as everyone and everything – but your brain just makes you aware of the “physical you” experience. So, where does that leave us in death? “You’ve” been being born and dying for all of eternity – because you are also the universe and the universe is you. Even if your energy becomes something not recognizable as “you” it still is “you”. Get it? You die when the universe dies – only to be reborn to start again repeating the same thing over again! So, maybe when you die you are “Dead – gone, nothing” but that’s not forever because it cycles when the universe collapses onto itself. I mean there might be a “you” gone forever because that’s what that “you” is supposed to be. There is you everywhere and in everything. Death is only an illusion and perhaps a transformation from one state of being to another. For me, personally, I don’t know what will happen to this manifestation of “jess” and I don’t worry about it that much. I’d rather live my life as each day was my last – without regret. I feel as if I am destined for the unknown and I’m okay with it. I don’t fear death or dying – it’s just part of life. With that understanding, I have my peace and realize I am limited by my human brain so maybe if “I” – this bunch of energy, happens to take another form, maybe I’ll comprehend more about reality. Maybe.

I rambled, I hope I made sense. 🙂

Nov 2

I’m voting…

Posted on Tuesday, November 2, 2010 in Current Events

I’ve had my absentee ballot on my desk for weeks. It wasn’t until now that I finally decided I will vote. I don’t believe in the system or voting. I feel if voting ever changed anything it would be illegal. I feel that it doesn’t matter who is in office – Republicans or Democrats – that they are just two hands – right and left – attached to the same “man.”

For awhile, I was toying with voting for Mickey Mouse for Governor. He’s just as valid as a candidate as Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman – he’s the epiphany of corporate representation. What I know of Jerry Brown is from the first time he was governor in a little song by the Dead Kennedys called “California Uber Alles” and it goes something like this:

“I am Governor Jerry Brown
My aura smiles
And never frowns
Soon I will be president…

Carter Power will soon go away
I will be Fuhrer one day
I will command all of you
Your kids will meditate in school
Your kids will meditate in school!”

So, I am not exactly running to the polls to vote for Jerry Brown. I am not really sure if having Jerry Brown in office will be better than being greeted by a Meg Whitman on television at home. But, after much thought, and being really upset at the way things are: That if I vote my voice isn’t heard – if I don’t vote my voice isn’t heard. Really, what is an anarchist to do living in a Republic society? But, I have decided to bite the bullet and vote for Mr. Brown. I know I am going to regret voting in the first place. However, one issue is drawing me out of my hole.

It is kind of funny to say this – that being a straightedge (no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking) vegan – but the issue I really care to vote on is to legalize marijuana. No, I don’t want to toke. I never have and never will. But, it isn’t my right to decide how others should live their life so I am voting Yes on Prop 19.

Will California turn into a state of stoners? I don’t really care. It is up to the people to decide what they want with their life. One of my biggest problems with marijuana asides from that fact it makes people more moronic – but that the drug trafficking is so drench in blood. There’s no regulations – you could have pot cut with rat poisoning for fillers – you don’t know. It is a hazard to the users. It also makes the need for gangs. If pot was legalized, there would be no reason for gangs to fight over pot routes. It’d help lessen crime. California is so neck deep in debt – but if the state could tax pot the debt would disappear. It really upsets me when marijuana users are like it’s cool to smoke but they don’t think about the real cost of their smoking. Which is why, it needs to be legal to stop crime and blood from flowing.

So, I am probably going to vote Democrat since it’s a little better than Republican. I am, however, voting for a little more peace in this world for people to live their life as they please as long as they aren’t hurting anyone else.

Oh, to people who say you can’t be an anarchist and vote: That’s just dumb. There is violence in being silent even if it isn’t my voice to begin with – but we got to work in something called “reality” and this is what is real – this messed up system I don’t believe in – but until we get a better setup – I’m doing my part to not make the world more messed up by inaction.