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Sep 13

Here, There, and Back Again.

Posted on Monday, September 13, 2010 in Current Events

Hello blog! I haven’t written in quite sometime. I’ve been busy. My lecture on speciesism went well. I need to polish it some then I’ll post it on the blog. My business has been doing okay. Life has been good.

This Saturday I went to a matchmaking service. A gay matchmaking service, yep. It was okay. They don’t know if they’ll have anyone as a match for me. Specifically, because I am a “butch” that likes “butches.” We’re really rare, they said. I knew this. I don’t know what to do if the matchmaking service finds me too difficult to take on. Maybe hire a private detective? I have no idea. I don’t know who else to go to if the professional matchmakers don’t have a clue who to fix me up with. Having no dating pool and being too radical for “norms” and too “norm” for radicals is problematic. What is a vanilla monogamous straightedge vegan queer punk to do?

I’ve been struggling with something too. I have come realize I have no romantic interest in men. None. They are fine to be buddies with but I don’t want a male partner. It’s kind of hard too, because, I like to think race is as important as gender – meaning it doesn’t matter at all, but I have no romantic inclinations to male bodied persons. I thought it didn’t matter but no interest is there at all. I kind of realized this about a year ago when I was at art school and there was a pretty boy. I appreciated his beauty but it was more like admiring a nice sunset than anything erotic. I have been told that perhaps I am a mythical six on the Kinsley scale. I would like to think not but it seems to be the case. Which is odd, because I am for -equality- completely in everything but yet my sex preference is there. I guess I can’t help who I am.

I need to finish reading “Watership Down” and write a review about it. I also need to finish reading “The Dispossessed” by Ursula K. Le Guin. Getting back into the book “Contact” is also on my list of things to do. I have some things on my mind and I’ll start writing again later this week. Thanks for your patience.

Aug 4

NEW Genderqueer Seahorse and Feminist Fist necklaces!

Posted on Wednesday, August 4, 2010 in For Sale

Hey folks,

The first round of my designs are finally here! A percentage of the profit is being donated to charities that support human rights. Right on.

Feminist fist pendants –

Genderqueer Sea horse pendants –

Rock a sweet pendant and support the good fight!



Aug 3

Quitting: I can’t get laid because of capitalism.

Posted on Tuesday, August 3, 2010 in Anarchy, Personal ads

Alright, I’ve been thinking about doing this for sometime. I usually don’t give up on things. However, it’s been almost three years and my attempt to find a suitable girl to date has been very unsuccessful. I’ve tried four major cities: San Francisco, New York City, Los Angeles, and San Diego. I can’t find anyone who’s intelligent, kind, compassionate, creative, that intrigues me. I’ve tried every online dating service known to man and gone to all the events I could go to. I’ve volunteered and put on shows. I handed out hundreds of flyers and organized different groups. I’ve done everything I could to put myself out there to meet people. I even tried speed dating. Yes, I’ve done it all and I am pretty certain that there’s no one I am compatible with. So, I am giving up. I am fine and happy with myself. I don’t need anyone. I am beginning to think the idea of being with someone is probably better than the actual reality.

I have no idea what girls want. I refuse to stop being straightforward and honest. I refuse abuse, objectify, or disrespect another human. No one wants someone intelligent, kind, and loyal. I’m a catch but there’s no one suitable to be caught by so I’m done.

If someone wants to court me, they can try, but I am pretty jaded and over the whole idea of ever having a mate. I’ve been on this planet for over a quarter of a century and haven’t even found anyone worth sharing a first sober (I’ve been drunk once and kiss a friend but stopped because I was drunk and there wasn’t consent – end of story) kiss with so I don’t think more time is the answer. It’s just further proof that under the current capitalistic system that produces cogs instead of freethinkers – that caring, loving, good humans aren’t produced. If our system valued compassion over domination and greed maybe I could find a mate. I can’t get laid because of capitalism.

Jul 16

Studs, Lecture, and Oil.

Posted on Friday, July 16, 2010 in Current Events

I’ve been busy working on a handful of projects. One of which has been studding/patching a denim vest. Apparently, studs are now becoming fashionable as Burberry is releasing their own line of studded biker jackets for the Spring. No joke. They do have one sweet coat, that I like the design called Warrior Biker Jacket which looks super expensive and out of some science fiction movie. Plus, it’s leather which isn’t vegan. I tried to get into riveting before my own clothing – so I found a cheap rivet gun that came with “all sizes” of rivets. Sounded like a good deal. Turns out, there’s special rivets for clothing and I got a wood riveting gun. I thought I could use rivets of any sorts to rivet but these were so long. Now, I can rivet a boat but that’s not what I wanted to do. I haven’t looked back into it since. DIY mishaps, right?

I am almost done studding the vest – debating if I’ll post pictures of it. It looks pretty awesome. I also started working again on my crust pants. This isn’t an overnight project. I’ve spent 10 hours on them so far (started out of necessity because I wore a hole in my legs by my crotch) and no where near being close to done. Mine are going to be different then those pictured because I am sewing on every single patch – around the patch with white dental floss. Which means, they’ll be as tough as nails and not fall apart but the trade-off is that it’d take forever. But, I’ll also be able to wash them.

Apart from that, I am working on putting together a lecture so I need to read a couple of books for that about oppression. There’s more to it then that, but it’s a secret. I am planning on turning the lecture into a zine and have it available online so other people can make their own presentation. More on that later.

Oh, remember that big oil spill that I wrote about a couple of months ago? The oil leak has finally stopped. We’ll see if it holds. It’s the biggest oil spill in United States history.

As if to state the obvious, I’ll be posting less as I get my lecture together plus finish up these paintings I’m doing. I’ll have an epic post once the lecture is completed though. I am also halfway done reading “Watership Down” and I’ll be writing a book review soon. I also need to get my paintings done if I’ll have them together in time to make a calendar so I have a bit on my plate right now. I’ll write again sometime. Blog isn’t forgotten – just on hold right now. 🙂

Jul 7

Theory of Reality

Posted on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 in Theories

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my friend about the nature of reality. It started with a question from me, “Have you ever felt like everything you’ve done – you’ve done before?” I had a moment of deja vu – rather, I dreamed the moment and it was happening. That happens to me now and then. Sometimes, I feel like life is already scripted and been played out a thousand times before. I tend to fight off nerves by reminding myself if I am speaking or putting on an event that I already done it before so it all works out. In the true sense of how reality works, time and space are dimensions. They are grids on the plot but there is in actuality only one point. Rather, everything and anything that has ever happened or will happened has already occurred and been done but it is because of grid work of time and space it doesn’t all appear to happen at once.

That means that anything that was ever created or will be created already exists. The birth of the universe and the end of the universe are -now-. There is only one moment because everything exists simultaneously. It’s only the illusion of time and space that makes it seems like everything happens at different times. The grid in reality is just one point and everything is crammed together. EVERYTHING.

This creates what I like to call the Dharma Paradox (I coined the term :)) or rather a Truth Paradox. Everything exist and doesn’t exist at the same time. Being creates non-being and non-being creates being. It is true – but it’s paradoxical. My theory of the creation of the universe is that there was nothing but the moment nothing exists, something exists. Nothing is something. Within that moment of nothingness being something, the Big Bang occurs – a flash of consciousness and awareness then it returns to nothing again but then is something, then nothing, than something. Bang after bang for all eternity but there is only one bang and one moment. Thus, the universe is constantly being created and ending. It only happens once but it’s a circle. It ends and begins in the same moment but due to other dimensions we are given the illusion of time and space.

The macrocosm is the microcosm and the microcosm is the macrocosm. Rather, the BIG like the universe exists in it’s entirety in the small (a cell) and the microcosm (cell) is also the entire universe. There is no difference between the two – they both can not exist without each other. The universe wouldn’t be the universe without you in it. It would be like a puzzle missing a piece – still a puzzle but incomplete and not what it was intended to be. There are Parallel Universes – which is just the puzzle with pieces added or taken away since everything exists at the same time. All possibilities and potentials are realized but it is only because of our perception due to the wiring in our brain that we can’t see it. There is in reality nothing but that nothingness creates something and so you have us.

Parallel Universes are not an abstract concept. They exist everywhere. Everyone’s mind is a different universe. In your universe, you are the center. This is scientifically proven because the universe is constantly expanding until it expands back onto itself – but as long as it is getting bigger and bigger, the center of the universe is -always- with you. The center of my universe is me, the center of my bird’s universe is my bird. My bird’s reality and my reality are two completely different realities due to how our brains process things differently. It doesn’t make my reality anymore “true” than my bird’s reality because to both of us – it is our truth.

For example, as being an Atheist, I don’t believe in any gods. I think gods are man-made creations developed by our collective unconsciousness. Gods are dependent on their followers. They use human energy such as chi as food. The strength of a god depends on how many followers/believers/energy it has to feed off of. I am not god food so I don’t put any energy into any god. I do know, however, if I am talking to someone who believes in a higher power that in their reality a God exists. We both exist in the same space, me without god and them with god – and both are correct. God both doesn’t and does exist. Again, a Dharma Paradox. I don’t like to argue the existence of God, as I know we’re both correct. I just don’t want to be god food so I don’t believe in one. If something is true – then at the same time the opposite is true. The whole bases for our reality is the Dharma Paradox.

So, Parallel Universes exist from being to being, human to human, and on a physical scale due to the fact all possibilities are happening at the same time. It’s just an illusion that they aren’t. So, then, if we all exist in a spaceless space and it’s only because of the evolution of our brains that we perceive reality the way we do (and each person’s perception is different so a different universe) when we all don’t really exist – we are all one.

Everything in the universe is a reflection of the universe. There is in actuality only one space that exists and doesn’t exist at the same time. That’s all there is. From this web with no weaver, the interconnectedness is linked to everything. A blade of grass, a drop of water, an atomic bomb, and even poop. It is all you and you are all it. It is only because of our brain wiring that we perceive things the way we do. In reality, everything is you and you are everything. Everything is a mirror of you and you are the mirror of everything.

We are all one. It’s just because of our limited perception we perceive things differently. Everything you do – you do to yourself. Everything you’ve ever done, you do it once but you are also doing it forever. Anything that exists from a thought to physical manifestations might be there for an instant but that instant is forever. Forever exists and doesn’t exist, another Dharma Paradox. True, yes, but also false.

You live the life you have once but that one time is forever. The universe is constantly being born and dying. It happens once but for eternity. You can only be you but -you- are everything. Everything. Reincarnation exists in the sense that all energy is you and you are all energy. Energy can not be created or destroyed – only changed. Energy is all connected. We share energy with things we are close to but you are everything. You are also only you. Another Dharma Paradox. It is only created by your mind.

I consider meat eating to be cannibalism. The reason is because if you are everything and everything is you – you are also that meat you are eating. You are literally murdering and eating yourself. The snail I accidentally stepped on: was me. It didn’t matter to me that it was “only a snail” and doesn’t have the evolved cognitive functions that we have – it mattered because it was life. It can’t ever be replaced. That snail was the only snail like that in the whole universe. How many future of generations of snails did I kill by stepping on it? By stepping on the snail, did I save the world from a snail infestation or will snails become extinct billions of years from now? My dad’s wife had a talk with me that a snail is just a snail but she doesn’t understand. That was me. That was also her. I hurt us on accident. Would you ever want to hurt yourself? It’s a big deal.

All being enlighten is – is the -knowing- and being able to -see- the interconnection of all things. It’s one thing to have someone explain it to you but it’s another thing to live it. It becomes as true as the chair I am sitting in. The chair will still exist whether I believe in it or not. It simply is and isn’t because of the Dharma Paradox.

I don’t and do have past and future lives. I am everyone and everything that is, was, and every will be. So are you. So is everything. We are all one. I am also just me. Dharma Paradox.

If you can change yourself, you really do change the world and the universe. There is no magical “they” there is only us. You and me make the they. We are it. If everyone did their part to make the world awesome – we’d have a beautiful planet. The problem is most people pick to be selfish because of their conditioning. I think if we were to have a change in perception and education we can make a beautiful tomorrow (which really already exists today, we just can’t see it because of our brain).

Jun 28

Humans: Shall we behave as humans or monsters?

Posted on Monday, June 28, 2010 in Theories

Humans are interesting creatures. We have the choice to behave as humans or monsters. Most go with the monster route which is their choice but it’s only their own misery they create. “The problems that you go through are the problems that you make.” – Crass, is a very true statement. Most people opt not to accept responsibility for themselves and their actions – which is their choice, but they suffer greatly for it. Once you realize that the only thing you can control is yourself and how you react – it is a great responsibility to take on but a realistic one. Most people don’t want responsibility – that’s why we have politicians.

Jun 23

We Might Be Heading Towards an Ice Age in 2015! =O

Posted on Wednesday, June 23, 2010 in Current Events

It is theorized that the sun has lost it’s ability to produce sunspots so thus by 2015, we’ll be in an Ice Age.

Jun 23

Those Who Can Protest An Injustice And Doesn’t Is an Accomplice: The Hypocrisy of the Vegan Straight Edge Scene

Posted on Wednesday, June 23, 2010 in Anarchy, straightedge, Vegan

Silence is violence. Violence in whatever form it takes must be stopped. I thought the vegan straight edge scene of California would understand this philosophy as part of being a vegan is the ideology to do no harm. This however is not the case. I put out a call to the people I know in the vegan straight edge scene to reprimand a prominent member in their community who wronged me, who was violent towards me with words. I asked him to hang out and he told me to go jump off a cliff. Liberty comes from community. I was trying to be part of the community and he is a part of it too. So, thus, it is a community matter so I took it forth to the others. They sing about peace, community, and unity but their response for my call to action to be given an apology for the injustice has fallen on deaf ears. Those who had an opportunity to respond to my request have answered me with silence. There is violence in their silence and their being an accomplice to the injustice rendered upon me.

Apparently, vegan straight edge scene is called a “scene” for a reason. Instead of accepting people with open arms and open hearts – they want people to prove themselves to become a member of their scene. They won’t give you a chance to be a friend or accept you for who you are even if you are one of their own. I thought that also being vegan and straight edge – I would finally have a place to call home. People who I share common interests and beliefs with. People who share my philosophy of peace, equality, and freedom from oppression for all beings. However, the people within the scene are too busy on oppressing each other to ever achieve anything.

They sing the songs, get the tattoos, but their minds remain unmarked. It’s easy to claim to have a philosophies but actions speak louder than words. It is easy to claim to be an anarchist but most people who claim the title fall short of practice – as the person who obviously didn’t have the correct response to my asking to hang out.

Part of my belief of being an anarchist is to be a fully conscious human being. It’s not needing the law because you would never break universal law to begin with. Part of that is valuing all beings equally and equal opportunity. If I have time to make a cutsey comment for a friend – I’ll also make time to reply to my acquaintance. They spent their valuable time to send me a message and it obviously meant something to them – I’d reply even if it’s a simple “No thanks.” Unless it’s a mass invite/spam thing, etc. I am an all or nothing type of gal, I don’t half ass anything and I believe in equality so I treat all people the same. I was kind of hoping others who claim to be anarchists would have a similar code with being a professed, “Anarchist” and being against all forms of oppression. Ignoring is a form of oppression by not validating another person’s existence/experience/time/effort/worth.

Friendship is a form of hierarchy – as a true anarchist we’re against all hierarchy. Everyone is given an equal chance because we all are equal. However, to not being given a chance, and being told to “jump off a cliff” is how you make enemies out of potential allies.

I am hoping the community responses to the community issue and I get my requested apology. That the vegan straight edge scene really stands for what they profess they stand for. But so far, they have proven themselves to be hypocrites. It is easy to say you are for things but talk is cheap. To allow people who are called “friends” to be disrespectful to another human who’s not of that label is to be hierarchical and to allow oppression of others. I have no need for “friends” like that who don’t have a backbone and who can’t stand up for what’s universal law but instead fall into line. So far, the vegan straightedge scene which I thought had so much potential has proven itself to as conforming to a status quo mirroring mainstream society which they profess to be different from.

I got news for you vegan straight edge kids: You are just the same. A different form of sheep needing a group to validate your existence. I, for one, am not a sheep. So for now, I shall say my good bye because we are nothing alike. Stop pretending to be like me when you can protest an injustice and don’t. When you silently accept cruelty from one of your own to another human being. You’re already dead.

I’m alive. I moved on. I don’t need poseurs like you.

Jun 22

Kaucylia Brooke’s Piece “Tit for Twat” Censored Plus Upcoming Artist Talk in LA

Posted on Tuesday, June 22, 2010 in Current Events

I originally wrote this piece for The New Gay but their website is down so I am posting it here so it can be read.


Kaucylia Brooke’s artwork; entitled “Tit for Twat”, was censored at the Bucharest Biennale 2010. It was meant to be the centerpiece of the show but ended up not being shown at all. The piece has gay and lesbian themes. It is an ongoing project and not meant to finish. “Tit for Twat” is meant to be a master narrative about the origin of everything we know. It addresses the questions, “How do we know what we know?” and “How we decide what we know?” The piece was started in 1992.

“Tit for Twat” uses photography to explore the origin of everything we know. Instead of using photography to objectify the subject, Brooke gives the images a voice by using words. The idea is to turn the images from objects into speaking subjects to counter the idea of what they are just by looking at them.

“Tit for Twat” was inspired by talk shows in the early 1990’s. Back then, talk shows were big and trashy. I interviewed Brooke and she claimed that in order to get on a talk show that all you had to be was queer. She states that first the talk shows had the theme “These people are gay,” next it was “these are gay men who want to have children,” and finally it evolved to “femmes who like femmes.” Brooke’s said that Oprah claimed, “I don’t really understand it… I guess it’s like a four leaf clover. Once in a while, you find a special one – that’s what a gay person is like.”

The talk shows had a specific idea about having controversy which Brooke’s imitated in her piece. Controversy was made by having two people with opposing ideas. Someone would be planted in the audience from the religious right and someone on stage who represented something the religious right didn’t like. Thus born the tit for tat idea: for gay and against gay or the idea of “Tit for Twat.”

In Brooke’s piece is about the Garden of Eden and what goes on in it. She claims there are lots of things going on in the garden and they don’t all match up. There are two sets of characters in the garden. There’s Madame and Eve. There’s also Adam and Steve.

Madame and Eve’s world has nothing to do with Adam and Steve. When Madame and Eve were on the talk show, they boldly state, “Never mind Adam,” as to be a radical comment stating that’s not their world. In Brooke’s piece, the garden is bigger than what’s going on in the original narrative.

Why was such a playful piece censored? It is mind boggling that in this day and age that naked Greek statues are okay but two naked women holding hands aren’t. One idea that Brooke’s offered for possible reason behind the censorship was Romanian cultural politics. However, at the modern art museum in Bucharest there were paintings by local regional artists who used nudity and sexuality in their paintings. So, I don’t think that is it considering in eastern Europe that pornography is pretty common – as Brooke’s pointed out that pictures of people having sex is more the norm than not.

There was the claim by the director of the Geology Museum, where the piece was to be displayed, that the artwork was inappropriate for children. That in itself is a complicated thing, as to what is and isn’t appropriate for children. The other sexual charged paintings existed in the modern art museum – why not the photos at the art exhibit? Brooke’s thought it might be because photographs get different reactions then paintings. She also pointed out the figures in her photography aren’t pictures of “Angelina Jolie” – they’re not whatever contemporary culture considers to be a perfectly pluck body. They weren’t images the general population would look at or want to look at.

Brooke was willing to make compromises to show pieces of the work to just get it seen but she was told no. She was disappointed because she just wanted people to see the work.

To have an opportunity to see Brooke’s piece, “Tit for Twat” check out her web page or you can see Brooke’s giving an artist talk on June 24, 2010 at Big City Forum in Los Angeles. Brooke will be discussing ”Tit for Twat” as well as her project ”The Boy Mechanic” which documents lesbian bars.

Jun 19

Taken from the band Resist and Exist Myspace Blog

Posted on Saturday, June 19, 2010 in Theories

A Wise word from Smash:

Nothing other people do, is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.

When we take something personally, we make the assumption, that they know what is in our world, and they try to impose their world onto our world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.

What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programing they received during domestication.

If someone gives you an opinion and says “Hey, you look so fat” or, “Your an asshole,” don’t take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions.

Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally their emotional garbage becomes your garbage.

When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts.

You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everyone else wrong.

What people say or what people do or what opinions they have are according to the agreements they have made and have nothing to do with you.

It is not important to me what anyone thinks about me, and I don’t take what anyone thinks personally.

I don’t have the need to be accepted, and I don’t have the need for someone to tell me “Smash your doing good” or “How dare you do that!”

Whatever people think, whatever people feel, I know is their problem and not my problem. It is the way they see the world. It’s nothing personal because they are dealing with themselves, not with me.

You may even tell me, “Smash, what you are saying is hurting me”. But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said and you are hurting yourself over your own unresolved issues.

Everyone sees the world with different eyes, with their eyes. You can create an entire picture or movie in your mind and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer and you are the main actor or actress.

Your point of view is something personal to you, it is no one’s truth but yours, if people get mad at you, they are dealing with themselves.

If they use you as an excuse to get mad, it is because they are afraid and are dealing with fear, if your not afraid then their is no way you will get mad at someone. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will hate anyone and if you are not afraid then there is no reason you will be jealous or sad.

Do not expect people to always tell you the truth, because they also lie to themselves.

You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you. Self reliance is the only way to go!!!

Even if others lie to you, it’s okay, they are lying to you because they are afraid. They are afraid you will discover they are not perfect.

It is painful to take that Social mask off. If other say one thing and do another, you are lying to yourself if you don’t listen to their actions.

But if you are truthful with yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain.

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you surely will endure many years of suffering with him or her.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you, when you don’t take things personally.
The whole world could gossip about you and if you don’t take it personally you become immune. When you reject people’s negativity and emotional poison it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

You don’t need to place your trust in what others do or say, you only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the action of others, only your own.

If you refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.

Original post is here from Resist and Exist band page.