A Personal Ad
So, I’ve been single my entire life, 26 years and counting. I haven’t meet anyone worth my time. I’ve been out and queer for about four years now. I’ve been looking everywhere for someone to date to no avail. I figured, if I haven’t met someone in a quarter of a century – I am probably never going to meet anyone.
I’ve tried everything: internet dating, speed dating, going to bars/clubs, joining clubs, starting clubs, going to shows, and putting on shows. I don’t know, it just seems like the people I want to meet don’t exist anywhere. There is only a handful of queer punks to begin with and to find one that’s straightedge, vegan, and monogamous is never going to happen.
Everyone keeps on feeding me the same lines, “It’d happen when you least expect it.” “It’d happened when you stop looking for it.” But it’s just not. I feel like I am missing out on part of the human experience of having a connection with someone. I want a partner in life but I feel like I’ll never have one. I am one of the sweetest people around – not nice out of weakness – nice because I know better. I would go anywhere in the world to have a community but there doesn’t seem to be people to build that community with. I don’t know how to put myself out there more than I already have.
I am tired of 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s. I have been feeling very bored with the world and the people in it. I haven’t met any colorful people or anyone who’s been able to hold my interest for more than week in years. I’ve gone on lots of first dates – never a second.
I didn’t even look for someone to date for a long time because I was really broken. I didn’t want to burden anyone with my open wounds so I didn’t look for anyone to share it with. I didn’t think it would be fair. Now, I spent lots of time working on myself, getting to know myself, and healing myself. I felt like I done all this work to make myself as awesome as I can be and I want to share it with someone but there’s no one awesome for me to share it with.
I want an intellectual equal but I have yet to meet anyone who is. I have met people who have more education than me and talk in big words almost as big as their ego. It doesn’t impress me. I have never met anyone as smart as me though. I met lots of people who talk big about love and compassion but don’t live it. I meet lots of people who dress like me and pretend to be like me but they aren’t. I have never meet another anarcho-pacifist straightedge peace punk. They aren’t at shows. They aren’t at the radical feminist bookstores. I have no idea where to look.
I suppose that’s why I started this journal to try to connect with like-minded people. I wish someone was looking for me as much as I am looking for them. I had a hit the other day by someone who googled “transgender” + “anarchist” + “vegetarian” and I was really disappointed that they didn’t say hello. I don’t write just to be heard – I want to hear you too.
I am a very sensitive, kind, and loving creature. I have a real big heart. I don’t play games and I say it how I see it. Most people can’t handle it. I have a hard time relating to people because I really do care and most people don’t. It’s almost a curse to be a 5 in a land of 3’s. My life would be a lot easier if I didn’t care, was stupid, and mean. I’d have lots of people to date just like me if I liked team sports, group think, eating flesh, and had imaginary friends. But, that isn’t me.
I am not a cookie cutter person from a cookie cutter system. I am a beautiful lotus flower that risen from the murkiest of muddy waters. Some people can’t see beyond the mohawk, piercings, and tattoos. The punk t-shirts, heavy boots, and work pants. I like dressing loud and being punk because punk is the only subculture to have stopped a war. My dress is my armor to the world – because my heart is really on my sleeve. I don’t put up a front – I am always me.
I want wonderful and amazing people to be friends with and play with. I have a handful scattered around the world but I could always use more. Good people are really rare. I wish I could find someone good to give my heart to.
Treat Me For Who I Am and Not How I Look
Looks can be deceiving and you can’t judge a person by their looks. For example, who’s more threatening: a blue haired mohawked, tattoo studded jacket wearing punk rocker or a person wearing nondescript clothing and generic hair? I would say the person who’s wearing the nondescript clothing and generic hair is a greater threat than the blue haired mohawked, tattooed studded jacket wearing punk. Why? Think about it: If the blue mohawked person robbed you – they would be easy to spot and find as they are unique looking and standing out from the crowd. They might look like a threat being so loud but in reality they are harmless because if you are up to no good – you don’t want to draw attention to yourself. The generic hair and nondescript clothing person could rob you and if you tried to describe them to the cops – they just look like everyone else. There are a few exceptions when people who are loud are also violent and crazy but *usually* they are as law abiding as anyone. They dress differently to make a statement and express individuality. The punk rocker might appear to be a threat but they are really not to you as an individual.
People treat me funny because I am tattooed, pierced, and mohawked. All it is really is their fear of the unknown showing. Think about it: if I was really a danger I wouldn’t go around advertising the fact. There are a few exceptions to the rules but most of the time when someone advertises being a radical, they aren’t up to anything illegal. They might have different ideas than the mainstream and philosophies and be a threat to the status quo but they aren’t breaking any laws.
Laws are there to give people the illusion they are “safe”. Think about it: if there was a law to enforce identification cards (like they are planning in the UK) only the law abiding citizens will do it. The criminals don’t care about the law and won’t follow it or get fake IDs. It’s to give the masses, the sheep, the appearance of order in the chaos we exist in. The criminals will be criminals and do illegal things while the masses fall into line. The ID card is a stupid idea and very 1984ish because it only applies to who will follow the law to begin with.
More laws equal less freedom. Sure, common courtesy laws like not stealing or killing are nice to have to protect me from your average idiot. I am an anarchist and sometimes I am grateful for the police to protect me from stupid people. For instance, the police helped me out when I was punched in the face for being a “homosexual.” In an ideal, anarchical society, the person would behave like an anarchist and respect his fellow human beings – however, the assaulter was moronic, angry and fucked up so I need the police to protect me from people like that.
However, I am against police brutality and abuse of power. There is a difference in keeping people safe from the idiots of the world and harassing someone because they have a studded vest. One time, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time eating pizza on the steps of Search and Destroy in NYC and the police treated me like I was a criminal when all I was doing was eating pizza. It was pretty scary – they patted me down and violated my rights all because they have nothing else to do. There’s also the cops who give out traffic tickets for being a few miles over the speed limit to make their quota. Things like that are an abuse of power – laws are there to keep you safe from other human’s stupidity not be a money making tool.
That is not the case in our capitalistic society. The law system and prison system are money making tools. It’s really messed up.
The question is: How will this change? The answer: Is with you. If the people were to stop profiling and treat people for who they are and not what they look like we would have a stronger, happier society.
