RSS Feed
Feb 18

METTA returns and other updates. The villagers rejoice. :)

Posted on Friday, February 18, 2011 in Current Events

I started a recording project about two or three years ago by the name of Metta – meaning “loving kindness.” It didn’t get very far as I felt my lack of knowledge of music hindered the project. I’ve been taking guitar lessons on and off for the past few years now and I am ready to resume the project.

I am trying to decide what to work on first. I should have something to soonish. Some noise for your ears.

I’ve been coping with personal issues? Not to give out too much information, about a month ago, my medication stopped working and I had a mental holiday from reality so I’ve been healing from that. It’s no different than having a broken arm but it’s a more invisible wound. It’s not easy.

For the past few months, I’ve been a hermit, really. I’ve been regrouping. I’ve been figuring myself out and what’s important. By that, I mean, how to cope with being so “extreme” in a less committed world. Most people aren’t as driven as me to be so dedicated to their beliefs and I had to learn to be more accepting of other people’s…. indecisive nature. I believe I am progressing. I “tolerate” being around meat now but I am not sure if it’s more of indifference that I can’t do anything to change. It’s being mature and accepting that *my* choice is the only choice I have to control. That even comes to things I disagree with. I’ve just been figuring out how to be *me* and stay true to myself without missing opportunities to get to know people who are a little bit different. I am trying not to be judgmental even of things I despise. People are define by what they do – not what they do if that makes sense and I am figuring that out.

Other projects on the table: I am also thinking of resuming a project to catalog the queercore and punk rock I have to introduce folks to new-old bands. I am really, really bad at writing reviews. I can’t tell a guitar riff from a bass line or drum patterns. Does anyone know where I can learn to listen to music? I am learning slowly with learning to play the guitar so I figured I can try to fake it until I make it.

I started working on a novel before my break – I am going to resume it. It’s going to be a straightedge approach to the occult about dipping into the left and right but ultimately walking a neutral path with a splash of a
Beautiful Mind with a queer touch.

I also have my business – Breathe. Resist. that’s going well. Going to work on some new designs for that. I added making malas – Buddhist prayer beads to the inventory. They are pretty rad for keeping counts of chants. To answer the unanswered question, I don’t believe in “god” as an atheist – however, I do believe our intentions manifest themselves so I try to put out positive vibes with everything and even bless my food. Which is why I sell prayer beads for Buddhism/Taoism, it’s not so much a prayer to a deity like with other paths but a wish for compassion, kindness, love, happiness, and peace for all sentient beings. Plus, I tend to follow eastern philosophies at heart. It’s about kindness and love. That’s that.

So, I’ve been coming up with new ideas and talking the ears off of people who know me to the point they are like, “Enough, Jess! Write more!” so I just might do that. Some topics to be covered in more in-depth in the near future: The Dharmaparadox (aka Jess’ theory of reality), more about living/being mentally ill, and how to stop hatin’ and start lovin’: how to cope with oppression.

Jul 7

Theory of Reality

Posted on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 in Theories

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my friend about the nature of reality. It started with a question from me, “Have you ever felt like everything you’ve done – you’ve done before?” I had a moment of deja vu – rather, I dreamed the moment and it was happening. That happens to me now and then. Sometimes, I feel like life is already scripted and been played out a thousand times before. I tend to fight off nerves by reminding myself if I am speaking or putting on an event that I already done it before so it all works out. In the true sense of how reality works, time and space are dimensions. They are grids on the plot but there is in actuality only one point. Rather, everything and anything that has ever happened or will happened has already occurred and been done but it is because of grid work of time and space it doesn’t all appear to happen at once.

That means that anything that was ever created or will be created already exists. The birth of the universe and the end of the universe are -now-. There is only one moment because everything exists simultaneously. It’s only the illusion of time and space that makes it seems like everything happens at different times. The grid in reality is just one point and everything is crammed together. EVERYTHING.

This creates what I like to call the Dharma Paradox (I coined the term :)) or rather a Truth Paradox. Everything exist and doesn’t exist at the same time. Being creates non-being and non-being creates being. It is true – but it’s paradoxical. My theory of the creation of the universe is that there was nothing but the moment nothing exists, something exists. Nothing is something. Within that moment of nothingness being something, the Big Bang occurs – a flash of consciousness and awareness then it returns to nothing again but then is something, then nothing, than something. Bang after bang for all eternity but there is only one bang and one moment. Thus, the universe is constantly being created and ending. It only happens once but it’s a circle. It ends and begins in the same moment but due to other dimensions we are given the illusion of time and space.

The macrocosm is the microcosm and the microcosm is the macrocosm. Rather, the BIG like the universe exists in it’s entirety in the small (a cell) and the microcosm (cell) is also the entire universe. There is no difference between the two – they both can not exist without each other. The universe wouldn’t be the universe without you in it. It would be like a puzzle missing a piece – still a puzzle but incomplete and not what it was intended to be. There are Parallel Universes – which is just the puzzle with pieces added or taken away since everything exists at the same time. All possibilities and potentials are realized but it is only because of our perception due to the wiring in our brain that we can’t see it. There is in reality nothing but that nothingness creates something and so you have us.

Parallel Universes are not an abstract concept. They exist everywhere. Everyone’s mind is a different universe. In your universe, you are the center. This is scientifically proven because the universe is constantly expanding until it expands back onto itself – but as long as it is getting bigger and bigger, the center of the universe is -always- with you. The center of my universe is me, the center of my bird’s universe is my bird. My bird’s reality and my reality are two completely different realities due to how our brains process things differently. It doesn’t make my reality anymore “true” than my bird’s reality because to both of us – it is our truth.

For example, as being an Atheist, I don’t believe in any gods. I think gods are man-made creations developed by our collective unconsciousness. Gods are dependent on their followers. They use human energy such as chi as food. The strength of a god depends on how many followers/believers/energy it has to feed off of. I am not god food so I don’t put any energy into any god. I do know, however, if I am talking to someone who believes in a higher power that in their reality a God exists. We both exist in the same space, me without god and them with god – and both are correct. God both doesn’t and does exist. Again, a Dharma Paradox. I don’t like to argue the existence of God, as I know we’re both correct. I just don’t want to be god food so I don’t believe in one. If something is true – then at the same time the opposite is true. The whole bases for our reality is the Dharma Paradox.

So, Parallel Universes exist from being to being, human to human, and on a physical scale due to the fact all possibilities are happening at the same time. It’s just an illusion that they aren’t. So, then, if we all exist in a spaceless space and it’s only because of the evolution of our brains that we perceive reality the way we do (and each person’s perception is different so a different universe) when we all don’t really exist – we are all one.

Everything in the universe is a reflection of the universe. There is in actuality only one space that exists and doesn’t exist at the same time. That’s all there is. From this web with no weaver, the interconnectedness is linked to everything. A blade of grass, a drop of water, an atomic bomb, and even poop. It is all you and you are all it. It is only because of our brain wiring that we perceive things the way we do. In reality, everything is you and you are everything. Everything is a mirror of you and you are the mirror of everything.

We are all one. It’s just because of our limited perception we perceive things differently. Everything you do – you do to yourself. Everything you’ve ever done, you do it once but you are also doing it forever. Anything that exists from a thought to physical manifestations might be there for an instant but that instant is forever. Forever exists and doesn’t exist, another Dharma Paradox. True, yes, but also false.

You live the life you have once but that one time is forever. The universe is constantly being born and dying. It happens once but for eternity. You can only be you but -you- are everything. Everything. Reincarnation exists in the sense that all energy is you and you are all energy. Energy can not be created or destroyed – only changed. Energy is all connected. We share energy with things we are close to but you are everything. You are also only you. Another Dharma Paradox. It is only created by your mind.

I consider meat eating to be cannibalism. The reason is because if you are everything and everything is you – you are also that meat you are eating. You are literally murdering and eating yourself. The snail I accidentally stepped on: was me. It didn’t matter to me that it was “only a snail” and doesn’t have the evolved cognitive functions that we have – it mattered because it was life. It can’t ever be replaced. That snail was the only snail like that in the whole universe. How many future of generations of snails did I kill by stepping on it? By stepping on the snail, did I save the world from a snail infestation or will snails become extinct billions of years from now? My dad’s wife had a talk with me that a snail is just a snail but she doesn’t understand. That was me. That was also her. I hurt us on accident. Would you ever want to hurt yourself? It’s a big deal.

All being enlighten is – is the -knowing- and being able to -see- the interconnection of all things. It’s one thing to have someone explain it to you but it’s another thing to live it. It becomes as true as the chair I am sitting in. The chair will still exist whether I believe in it or not. It simply is and isn’t because of the Dharma Paradox.

I don’t and do have past and future lives. I am everyone and everything that is, was, and every will be. So are you. So is everything. We are all one. I am also just me. Dharma Paradox.

If you can change yourself, you really do change the world and the universe. There is no magical “they” there is only us. You and me make the they. We are it. If everyone did their part to make the world awesome – we’d have a beautiful planet. The problem is most people pick to be selfish because of their conditioning. I think if we were to have a change in perception and education we can make a beautiful tomorrow (which really already exists today, we just can’t see it because of our brain).

Jun 19

Taken from the band Resist and Exist Myspace Blog

Posted on Saturday, June 19, 2010 in Theories

A Wise word from Smash:

Nothing other people do, is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in.

When we take something personally, we make the assumption, that they know what is in our world, and they try to impose their world onto our world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you.

What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds. Their point of view comes from all the programing they received during domestication.

If someone gives you an opinion and says “Hey, you look so fat” or, “Your an asshole,” don’t take it personally, because the truth is that this person is dealing with his or her own feelings, beliefs, and opinions.

Taking things personally makes you easy prey for these predators, the black magicians. They can hook you easily with one little opinion and feed you whatever poison they want, and because you take it personally their emotional garbage becomes your garbage.

When you take things personally, then you feel offended, and your reaction is to defend your beliefs and create conflicts.

You make something big out of something so little, because you have the need to be right and make everyone else wrong.

What people say or what people do or what opinions they have are according to the agreements they have made and have nothing to do with you.

It is not important to me what anyone thinks about me, and I don’t take what anyone thinks personally.

I don’t have the need to be accepted, and I don’t have the need for someone to tell me “Smash your doing good” or “How dare you do that!”

Whatever people think, whatever people feel, I know is their problem and not my problem. It is the way they see the world. It’s nothing personal because they are dealing with themselves, not with me.

You may even tell me, “Smash, what you are saying is hurting me”. But it is not what I am saying that is hurting you; it is that you have wounds that I touch by what I have said and you are hurting yourself over your own unresolved issues.

Everyone sees the world with different eyes, with their eyes. You can create an entire picture or movie in your mind and in that picture you are the director, you are the producer and you are the main actor or actress.

Your point of view is something personal to you, it is no one’s truth but yours, if people get mad at you, they are dealing with themselves.

If they use you as an excuse to get mad, it is because they are afraid and are dealing with fear, if your not afraid then their is no way you will get mad at someone. If you are not afraid, there is no way you will hate anyone and if you are not afraid then there is no reason you will be jealous or sad.

Do not expect people to always tell you the truth, because they also lie to themselves.

You have to trust yourself and choose to believe or not to believe what someone says to you. Self reliance is the only way to go!!!

Even if others lie to you, it’s okay, they are lying to you because they are afraid. They are afraid you will discover they are not perfect.

It is painful to take that Social mask off. If other say one thing and do another, you are lying to yourself if you don’t listen to their actions.

But if you are truthful with yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain.

If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you surely will endure many years of suffering with him or her.

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you, when you don’t take things personally.
The whole world could gossip about you and if you don’t take it personally you become immune. When you reject people’s negativity and emotional poison it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.

You don’t need to place your trust in what others do or say, you only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the action of others, only your own.

If you refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.

Original post is here from Resist and Exist band page.

Jan 23

Disclosure of Information + 3d Printing: A New Age of Production To Come?

Posted on Saturday, January 23, 2010 in Uncategorized

Sometimes saying less is more. Sometimes people need to learn to keep their mouths shut. We’ve all had traumatic experiences but there’s no need to blurt it out to every stranger you meet. It’s like a mental assault on someone – weighing them down with what they really don’t need to hear.

I’ve had people who I talk to for the first time disclose everything. It’s like being assaulted with all this emotional baggage. Like do I really need to hear about your your past drug addiction, your crappy job, or your abusive partner that you love so you won’t leave. It’s inconsiderate to the other person who probably has their own things they are going through but aren’t blabbing to the world.

Most of the time, the things a person goes through is because of poor choices they made in the past. Sometimes, there’s things beyond your control, but most of the time it’s people doing it to themselves. Plus, the past is an illusion that only exists in your mind. It means nothing in this moment unless you give it meaning and control over you.

I am a sweet, caring person but there is only so much my poor heart can take. Plus, if the problems that you have are the problems that you make – I am not going to feel sorry for you. You are doing it to yourself. If you don’t like your job, quit it. If you have past histories of drug abuse, go to therapy or a support group to talk about it. If you have an abusive partner, leave them. It’s not that hard.

The worse, is when someone asks my advice and they don’t like the response they get. Please don’t ask me just what I think because you don’t want to know. They want a sugar-coat fairy tales non-real outlook on things or pity or condolences. They don’t want reality to smack them in the face.

Apart from not wanting to hear your life story right away, please don’t ask me for things if we just met. It makes me think you’re a user who’s going try to suck me dry. If I offer, that’s one thing, but I owe you nothing. I’ll treat you with respect and kindness – just how I would like to be treated, but it doesn’t mean I am going to give you things. It also doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you if I am nice. I have this problem all the time, just because I am very friendly, people assume friendliness means I want to bed them. It is not the case. I am also not flirting when I am being nice, it’s just me being me. Also, don’t always assume everything is about you. That’s being really vain. If I had something to tell you, I would tell you, not send cryptic messages by blogging to the world. No one is psychic.

All I ask is for you to be considerate of my feelings and treat me like a human – not objectifying me as an object. I am not a prize to be won or a trophy to be displayed. I am really sensitive and have no desire to be mentally assaulted by your negative energy. Think before you speak. You never know how what you say and do affects another person.

With that being said, I was browsing a veggie forum, and found an awesome link about 3d printing. Will 3d printing make our production system obsolete? Watch the video here, it’s pretty awesome.

Jan 15

Today's Lesson: People don't change.

Posted on Friday, January 15, 2010 in Theories

I am rather optimistic. I like to believe in the best of people. Sometimes I’m proven wrong.

I had tried to befriend a person and they just played games with me. I don’t know why. I was always forthright with my intentions but they made a mockery of me. I thought they were a person who got it. Who stood for peace and equality not cruelty. They turned out to be one of the biggest jerks I knew by doing things to laugh at me – not with me.

Bounce ahead, four or so years. I still wanted to believe the best of this person. I thought their duplicity was a result of peer pressure so maybe outside of that setting they’ll be a decent person. I don’t like to make a villain out of anyone and I try to see the best. I don’t like having negativity associated with people so I wanted to see if they had change in the past four years. My findings were conclusive that they haven’t. It’s the same old song and dance.

When I told my doctor that I thought this person would change, she laughed at me. I know I’m a completely different person than I was four years ago because I am always working on improving myself. I want to be the best I can be. Apparently, most humans don’t operate that way. They don’t change unless they have a reason to change – and even then sometimes they don’t. Most cases they get worse. I don’t get it.

I am always reading and educating myself. I try to talk to as many people as I can about anything and everything. I have a genuine desire to help the world. I have learned you can’t help the world until you help yourself first. It was a hard lesson for me because I always want to put everyone and everything else first but sometimes you got to make sure you are okay before you can make sure other people are okay. Even on airplanes, they tell you to put your air mask on first before helping others. There’s a method to this madness.

I am disappointed that there are jerks in the world. I always thought life was about living – I mean really living and not letting hatred or pettiness cloud your vision. I would like to think of the world as a big human community – like how we come together for things like Haiti. Why do we only come together in times of disaster? I think the world would be amazing if we kept the community spirit all the time.

This person is beyond my comprehension. I used to try to understand other’s perspective and points of view until I met them. I realize I can have no idea what goes on in another person’s head. It really isn’t my concern either. One of the hardest things I have is finding people who want friendship and connection. Just finding anyone who’s willing to accept love and kindness is really hard. Obviously, this person doesn’t. Not from me anyways.

It’s a hard thing for me to accept that I can’t befriend the entire world. I wish I could. It upsets me that there are people who hate me without even knowing me. That there is even hate at all. But that’s reality.