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Jan 8

On Revenge

Posted on Friday, January 8, 2010 in Theories

I was talking to my friend the other day about revenge. Rather, she was working on a song for her band about it. The lyrics she shared with me went, “It’s not revenge, it’s justice!” The author of said lyrics and I have totally different views.

I don’t believe in revenge. I think it’s really childish – almost as childish as doing something that would warrant someone wanting to take revenge. Not to say I haven’t been hurt before, wronged, or given hell. I have. I’ve had peers mistreat me, tons of teachers, and even people that I have trusted as friends. I don’t walk around with a block on my shoulder because of it. Even when I was assaulted – my main concern wasn’t about “getting back” at my attacker – it was more wanting him to get help because something wasn’t right in his head that he would assault someone. I tend to operate out of general compassion for all beings.

Over the years, I have come to learn that usually I am not the problem. Rather, other people’s insecurities, jealousies, or short comings make them do mean and nasty things. It usually has nothing to do with me other then the fact I am at the wrong place at the wrong time. People’s ignorance is also a cause.

When I was in elementary school, I was so shy. I didn’t really know how to make friends. Sometimes I still don’t. I was such a mess from coming from a broken home that I didn’t feel I was worthy of human companionship. Some of the girls in the class took to not liking me because I was different. They would whisper behind my back and quickly dispersed when I approached. I never did anything to anyone but there was a wall there that even if I wanted to be their friends – they wouldn’t let me. There was an incident where the whole class was invited to a Halloween party except for me. I was the smartest person in the class – but someone else got the title as brain – as my peers didn’t want to include me. It was weird, it was like being invisible.

Sometimes I would wish I could change places with one of the other girl’s in my class. Not for long, but for a day so maybe they could see what my life was like. Their lives looked like rainbows and kittens to the invisibility I was facing at school to being verbally abused at home.

I never wanted revenge though. All I ever wanted was to show others what it was like. Maybe it is rather idealistic to think that if people saw the whole picture – they’d realized that we’re all human and get along.

For me, the best revenge I can ever get against someone who’s wrong me is living a happy and healthy life. I am awesome and I only had to put up with the hostile treatment for a time. They have to live with themselves for the rest of their life. That in itself is a far worse punishment than anything I could ever do.

Jan 6

On Duplicity

Posted on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 in Theories

I had a request to write an entry about duplicity. I had a long talk with a friend about it the other day. First, let’s define duplicity as being deceitfulness. I tend to face a lot of duplicity from 1’s, 2’s, and 3’s. It is really frustrating because sorting the lies from what little truths there are becomes lots of work.

I think sometimes people are deceitful unintentional and out of their own ignorance. People lie to you because they’ve been lied to themselves. They don’t know they are progressing a lie because to them it is the truth. Such examples of this is religion and factory farms. With religion, the main idea is a good thought that is to love one another and get along. However, with so much dogma the original message is distorted. Hate and bigotry is the result. People not following what they should preach. With factory farms, people like to believe their meat comes from happy farms when the reality is quite different. They might tell their children the animals have a good life because they believe that the animals do. They aren’t out to hurt anyone with their lies because to them it is the truth.

Other times, people are deceitful for personal gain. They present an image or a front that’s not true to be perceived a certain way to gain certain privileges. It could be for a job or personal reasons. For example, a homosexual might stay in the closet due to not wanting to lose their heteronormaltive status. They might date the opposite sex even marry someone to keep up appearances. The problem with that is that everything you do becomes acting and based off lies. Once you start with one lies, to keep it going, there’s other lies. Before you know it, you are living a lie. You lose sense of self for what seems like a big gain to the person involved. These people are deceitful because they can not even be honest with themselves.

Sometimes people are deceitful due to peer pressure. Someone might be a nice person on their own, but with friends around they act like a jerk. It’s what expected of them to be “cool” and “fit in.” They play the role of the bully, to the detriment of themselves and those involved.

I’ve only been guilty of being deceitful out of ignorance. I think I gave someone wrong directions in New York City a few weeks ago because I didn’t know which way the street they were looking for was – I did add an “I think” due to not being sure but they followed my guidance. I hope they didn’t get lost.

When I was in six grade, I somehow fell into the popular crowd. I don’t really remember how but they liked me. These girls were so much drama. It was ridiculous. They would backstab each other all the time, gossip, and do all sorts of horrible things that I never took part in. I didn’t want to ditch them because I didn’t want to be alone and not have friends. I was unhappy with the situation. For me, the breaking point was when they tried to make fun of a nerd for brushing their teeth in the bathroom after lunch because they had braces. It was one thing when they would pick on each other – because they were friends (I guess), it was another thing to harass a stranger for being different. I stood up to the group and told them it wasn’t cool to pick on people and to stop. Shortly after that, I got tired of their games and stopped hanging out with them. I went and hung out with the nerds because they were nice people.

I think in order for people to stop being deceitful to themselves and others it takes education and strength to be yourself. Act up and do what’s right even if it is the hardest thing to do. That’s how I try to live my life. If I mess up, I try to make amends if I can. Being a master of yourself isn’t about being perfect – it’s about accepting your imperfections and being willing to change to fix mistakes. It’s about not being afraid to say I was wrong or I’m sorry.