METTA returns and other updates. The villagers rejoice. :)

I started a recording project about two or three years ago by the name of Metta – meaning “loving kindness.” It didn’t get very far as I felt my lack of knowledge of music hindered the project. I’ve been taking guitar lessons on and off for the past few years now and I am ready to resume the project.

I am trying to decide what to work on first. I should have something to soonish. Some noise for your ears.

I’ve been coping with personal issues? Not to give out too much information, about a month ago, my medication stopped working and I had a mental holiday from reality so I’ve been healing from that. It’s no different than having a broken arm but it’s a more invisible wound. It’s not easy.

For the past few months, I’ve been a hermit, really. I’ve been regrouping. I’ve been figuring myself out and what’s important. By that, I mean, how to cope with being so “extreme” in a less committed world. Most people aren’t as driven as me to be so dedicated to their beliefs and I had to learn to be more accepting of other people’s…. indecisive nature. I believe I am progressing. I “tolerate” being around meat now but I am not sure if it’s more of indifference that I can’t do anything to change. It’s being mature and accepting that *my* choice is the only choice I have to control. That even comes to things I disagree with. I’ve just been figuring out how to be *me* and stay true to myself without missing opportunities to get to know people who are a little bit different. I am trying not to be judgmental even of things I despise. People are define by what they do – not what they do if that makes sense and I am figuring that out.

Other projects on the table: I am also thinking of resuming a project to catalog the queercore and punk rock I have to introduce folks to new-old bands. I am really, really bad at writing reviews. I can’t tell a guitar riff from a bass line or drum patterns. Does anyone know where I can learn to listen to music? I am learning slowly with learning to play the guitar so I figured I can try to fake it until I make it.

I started working on a novel before my break – I am going to resume it. It’s going to be a straightedge approach to the occult about dipping into the left and right but ultimately walking a neutral path with a splash of a
Beautiful Mind with a queer touch.

I also have my business – Breathe. Resist. that’s going well. Going to work on some new designs for that. I added making malas – Buddhist prayer beads to the inventory. They are pretty rad for keeping counts of chants. To answer the unanswered question, I don’t believe in “god” as an atheist – however, I do believe our intentions manifest themselves so I try to put out positive vibes with everything and even bless my food. Which is why I sell prayer beads for Buddhism/Taoism, it’s not so much a prayer to a deity like with other paths but a wish for compassion, kindness, love, happiness, and peace for all sentient beings. Plus, I tend to follow eastern philosophies at heart. It’s about kindness and love. That’s that.

So, I’ve been coming up with new ideas and talking the ears off of people who know me to the point they are like, “Enough, Jess! Write more!” so I just might do that. Some topics to be covered in more in-depth in the near future: The Dharmaparadox (aka Jess’ theory of reality), more about living/being mentally ill, and how to stop hatin’ and start lovin’: how to cope with oppression.