NEW Genderqueer Seahorse and Feminist Fist necklaces!
Hey folks,
The first round of my designs are finally here! A percentage of the profit is being donated to charities that support human rights. Right on.
Feminist fist pendants –
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=220648792601&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
Genderqueer Sea horse pendants –
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=220648782678&ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT
Rock a sweet pendant and support the good fight!
🙂
Jess
Genderqueer Symbol Apparel and Accessories
Hey folks,
I just set up a zazzle store to sell items with the cute genderqueer sea horse I designed on it.Ă‚Â I am eventually going to get pins and pendants made – but this is a start.Ă‚Â Check it out:
http://www.zazzle.com/jessfive18*
Thanks for your support! Tell your friends! 🙂
Genderqueer: Breaking the Mold Article
http://thenewgay.net/2010/02/genderqueer-breaking-the-mold.html
What To Ask Someone Who's Gender Non-Conforming
Some people don’t know how to handle dealing with a gender non-conforming person. I don’t know why this is even an issue because everyone should be treated with kindness and respect. But, it came to my attention that some people feel the need to ask about gender identity when they come across someone who’s non-conforming. Personally, that question annoys me. My gender is of no concern to anyone unless I want to sleep with them. I am a person – not genitals. With that being said, a question that makes me feel warm and fuzzy instead of like someone is trying to box me in is: “What pronouns would you prefer?” It’s a respectful question rather than simply inquiry after my gender identity which I may not even want to discuss.
If you want to learn more about gender, try Kate Bornstein’s My Gender Workbook: How to Become a Real Man, a Real Woman, the Real You, or Something Else Entirely. It’s a good book and you might discover something about yourself you might not have known.
Sex, Gender, Gender Expression, and Sexual Orientation
This is something I know very well and live. It’s like breathing – second nature that when it comes time to explain it, it’s hard to do because it’s something I don’t even think about anymore. What brought it to the forefront was that I was talking to a friend of mine and he mentioned it took him sometime to realize that they were in fact separate entities. Society tries to condition us to believe they are one. It isn’t true. There are only a handful of sexes but there are as many genders as there are people.
Sex refers to biological differences; chromosomes, hormonal profiles, internal and external sex organs. Such differences can be distinguished by the fact that male and female bodies behave differently. Females have periods while males do not. Females have breasts that produce milk while males do not. Male and females have different sex organs. There is also intersexed that has characteristics of both.
Not even sex is set in stone but is harder to change than gender. People who feel their sex doesn’t match their body can get surgeries and take hormones to get the mind and the body to match. This is called being transgendered. Some people who identify as transgendered chose not to transition at all, others only to a point to where they can “pass” as their chosen sex, and others transition top to bottom. It’s different for different people and is a personal choice. Transgendered is regardless of operation status. Transsexual applies to those who are transitioning, have transitioned, or intend to transition.
Gender describe the characteristics that society determines to be masculine or feminine. Gender is constructed by society. Unlike sex, people are not born with gender. Gender is something learned. “Gender roles” are what society denotes should be the characteristics of each sex. However, gender and sex don’t always match. For example, my sex is female but my gender presentation is masculine. My hair is cut short and I wear men’s clothing. In my head, I don’t feel like either gender or sex is what I am so I identify as female-bodied genderqueer. Likewise, there can be people who are of the male sex who present a feminine gender by dressing in dresses and skirts and maybe have long hair but in their head they are male sex and female gendered. Sex and gender have nothing to do with each other. They are two separate things.
Plus, gender and gender expression are two different things. You might have someone who is female sex masculine identified gender dressing in dresses to avoid raising eyebrows on the street. You can’t judge someone’s gender by their gender expression because it varies. Gender isn’t set in stone. Some people change gender with the seasons, other daily, some minutely. Your presentation doesn’t define your gender. Just like being punk, it is all about what’s in the mind and inside.
Now, to make things more complicated – we can toss sexual orientation into the mix. Unlike people like to believe, sexual orientation seems to be more fluid than concrete. Sexual orientation is what people find erotically attractive. Most people aren’t a hundred percent gay or straight – some people are but most people on the Kinsley Scale seem to fall in the middle. Also, keep in mind most people aren’t attracted to “just women” and “just men”. Most people have a preference for a sex but also certain gender characteristics they find attractive. For example, I tend to find butch women attractive which confused me for the longest time to think I was straight because I only got feminine women hitting on me and only saw feminine women in my daily life and I am not attracted to them. However, there is no defining rule for attraction. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. I know with me, I have my personal preferences, but if I met an awesome person – their sex and gender wouldn’t matter to me. However, some people have personal boundaries on what they will and won’t do. For example, someone who has a strict heterosexual identity is automatically limiting themselves to half the people due to mindset. Homophobia comes into play because nothing is an absolute – labels are useful guidelines but people are really fluid. That’s when people get afraid is when they realize things aren’t black and white and are shades of gray. Instead of accepting and embracing the unknown to grow and become better, some people respond with hate.
I think if we all learned to love instead of hate and accepted the fact we are humans and everyone is different and that’s okay the world would be a much happier, safer, loving place.
Cease Fire, Caring, and Giving + On Language
This year for Christmas, there is no cease fire.Ă‚Â There has been in the past.Ă‚Â I was wondering if they can call cease fire for one day, why can’t it be all the time?Ă‚Â Also, during this time of year there is so much caring and giving to help those in need.Ă‚Â Instead of it being a yearly event, why can’t it be this way every day?Ă‚Â Something to think about.
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Language is the tool which enables us to communicate with our fellow beings. It is a limiting tool. It controls how we think and process things according to the rules of the languages we speak. Also, it does not accurately define the human experience even if you have words to describe it because your listener’s definition and experience with the words you use may be different from yours.
There are also things that there are not words for that you may experience. It’s hard to process these things because without the words to describe it – it’s a thought without a definition. It’s something felt but not understand or mastered as when you have words for it. For example, there is no word that exist or can exist that accurately describes my gender. It’s not male or female – it is something else entirely but the best our language can offer for such a state is “genderqueer.” Using the word “genderqueer” to describe myself is like describing the shadows on the wall of an unseen figure. It’s a mere abstraction of what is really there but there is no place in our binary world for my existence but against all odds, I exist.
We create new words to define new experiences but there are some things words do an injustice to. For example, the word “Love” is so overused in society. The definition has been so water down by so many uses that people can no longer distinguish “love” from “like”. “Love” has become a synonym for “like” when both words are two different feelings, they now blend into one.
I think a problem with our society is that we quickly establish things into binaries. When people see some things as beautiful, other things become ugly. When people see some things as good, other things become bad. Being and non-being create each other. Difficult and easy support each other. Long and short define each other. High and low depend on each other. Before and after follow each other. We should stop fragmenting our existence by breaking it down into binaries. We should recognize when we are being a slave of our language and having a ground of common experiences is assumed.
Language when used correctly can be a great tool. But as with any tools, it’s a means to the ends and not the ends itself. Don’t be afraid to ask for definitions if you don’t understand how a person is defining a word to avoid miscommunication.
Butch seeks Butch: Why is it so Taboo? (Repost from Deleted Blog)
I was googling butch seeks butch and boi seeks boi out of curiosity and there wasn’t much to be found. Sometimes I feel like the only genderqueer butch boi who wants another butch. I mean there is plenty of butch seeks femme but just none for the bois. I feel like I have a nonexistent dating pool. I’ve been single for 26 years and I’ll probably be single for life. I would like a girlfriend that I am attracted to both physically and mentally but finding someone like that is really problematic. First off, there’s not that many lesbians to begin with. I don’t know why there are so many gay males maybe because we live in a patriarchal society and it promotes men so it makes sense for men to love men. It goes against everything that society tries to condition us to be a women who loves women. But there aren’t that many lesbians and most lesbians tend to go femme. I have nothing against femme – I know all about femme visibility and I am an ally to the cause but it’s harder being out all the time and visible queer. I’ve been punched in the face before for being gay which sucked more than anything. In NYC of all places in 2009 – how ridiculous is that? I thought the world would be beyond such nonsense. Anyways, finding smart people is hard. We all know that. The world is full of dummies. And if you are already dealing with a small dating pool to begin with – it becomes even smaller looking for someone smart. Plus, add looking for someone vegetarian and a boi – that’s near impossible.
Anyways, I don’t know why Butch seeks Butch is so taboo. For gay men, since there are plenty of them, there’s a whole bear community for masculine men who like other masculine men. They even have their own flag for their community. There’s nothing like that for the lesbian counterpart. It might just be there’s not enough of us but why is it okay for men and not for women? Double standards again? I remember being sad when reading Stone Butch Blues when they specifically said in the book butch on butch is taboo. It’s the mentality now. I get such a hard time when I hit on other butches. I get treated like an alien and ignored. It happens all the time when the rare occasion I find a butch. It’s a real blow to one’s self confidence to be treated so poorly. It should be taken as a compliment being hit on – by anyone. It’s nice to know you are attractive. If you don’t like the person who’s hitting on you, don’t be mean to them. Say “Thank you, not interested.” Then again, I learn that if they are a jerk to me, they weren’t worth my original attempt and are just a pretty face with an ugly inside.
I am a sweet kid who looks like a bad ass and I get lots of shit for that because everyone thinks a million and one things about me that aren’t true. It’s also hard being genderqueer. At least with being ftm or mtf – you have a gender identity – you might be the wrong gender but there’s a gender for you. For me, there is no gender. I am just genderfucked. Not male and not female and just stuck being something I am not without any options. I feel so out of place in a world with males and females and not much room for a this or that.
On Being Genderqueer and the Gender Binary
The interesting thing about explaining being outside of the gender binary is that you first have to explain what  gender binary is in order to understand what it means to be outside of it. There is no quick and easy way to explain what it means to be genderqueer and even after several attempts at trying to explain it, people still don’t get it because they are stuck trying to put it in a box.
The gender binary is a form of hierarchy and oppression. It divides the human race into two groups instead of uniting us as one.  Most people’s concept of self is centered around their identity and it influences the course their entire life. It controls how most people will treat you down to which bathroom you can use. I want no part in it.
For me, genderqueer is beyond male and female. I don’t want people judging me based on genitals or my body. My private parts do not define me as they do with so many of my fellow humans. If we are to eventually have equality in the world, we need people to be treated as people not as genitals.
It is strange to me that I get treated with more respect and taken more seriously when I get mistaken for a male verses a female. I don’t like being called, “Honey,” “Sweetie,” or “Dear” because of the body I happen to exist in. At the time it happens, I don’t even know where to begin because it’s socially acceptable. Just because something is tradition doesn’t make it right.
It embarrasses me that our species didn’t have a women’s rights movement until War World II, that there was a division at all. It wasn’t that long ago and it still isn’t over. It won’t be over until we abolish gender all together. As long as there is separation into groups, one group will oppress the other until people understand equality isn’t the same as sameness.
I imagine a world in which males wear skirts as often as females. A world in which people can just be people. No gender, no sexuality, no racial tension. That we can be fluid and undefined. Once you start worry about defining something, you lose it. It’s like grasping sand, the tighter you grip it, the faster it slips through your fingers.  Be free. As long as you know yourself, that’s all that’s important. People like what they like and that should be it.
The problem with society is that most people don’t know themselves. They know an illusion which they considered to be self – but all those layers are fake. What’s real, is that we are all human and all need love. If we learned to love and accept each other regardless of outside fluff, we can have utopia.
Being genderqueer to me gives me the freedom of having a label for those who need boxes but still be able to be outside the box. It’s not fully definable and that’s okay because our language is flawed and can’t express all aspects of being human succinctly.
Essay: Genderqueer
Are you a boy or a girl?” A perplexed waitress at a Dunkin’ Donut in the heart of New York City asked of me when I entered the shop. “I just wanted a muffin; I don’t think my gender matters.” I said but she didn’t seem to understand, she was rather too interested on what was in my pants. “Are you a boy or a girl?” I sighed. I don’t identify as either being genderqueer but I don’t like having to explain myself all the time to everyone. Mostly because people can only wrap their head around the gender binary and not think outside the box. It got me thinking though, why do perfect strangers care too much about what’s in my pants? It doesn’t matter to anyone unless they wanted to sleep with me. But, for some reasons, this lady’s whole identity was formed around a world of boys and girls. I bite the bullet since I really wanted my muffin, “I’m a girl.” She let out a relieved sigh and then got my muffin. Again, I was forced into the oppressive gender binary to comply with the needs of an oppressive society. It isn’t just the males that oppress; it is also other women who’ve been conditioned to think as such.
In an ideal society, I would have been able to get my muffin without being hassled about what’s in my pants. However, this is America – home of the free if you are rich and fix into neat boxes. Most people can’t wrap their head around genderqueer – which is outside of the gender binary. I am something else – not just another gender but I am beyond gender. People can at least understand transsexual, but when it comes to genderqueer, people just don’t get it. They want to box you in. I am sometimes envious of my transsexual allies because they have a gender identity to claim – even if they are handicapped by being born into the wrong body. I, however, have no place to go. No identity. I suck it up and usually go with lesbian because I am female bodied and like women but that doesn’t describe me. I’m queer but queer is considered to be such a dirty word by polite society.
The LGlittleBinvisibleT community has no love for anyone who’s not a Stepford Gay. If you don’t fit the mold of what a “safe” gay is – being gay but assimilating, the community turns their back on you. It is a threat to society, the mainstream, the social constructed order, to be an individual and think for yourself. We live in a society based on group think with team sports, entertainment and job rhetoric paving the way for the classless individual who functions as a cog in the well oiled machine of greed and anonymity. I – for one, am not going to be part of any machine. I’m not going to wear the clothes they tell me to wear, I’m not going to watch their programming (it’s called programming for a reason), and not going to take part in their world of a giant rat race.
I am going to fight the system with knowledge and education, compassion and understanding.  As Crass said, “You can’t change the system by bombing number ten, the people will go into hiding but they’ll be back again.” The only way to change the system is to change the people. The only way to change the people is with education.
Sometimes, it’s really hard, trying to change things. I struggle with trying to get people to understand what “genderqueer” means. Sometimes, it’s dangerous just being who you are. Every third day, a transperson is murdered. I’ve been assaulted before at a punk show which was supposed to be about peace and equality for being a “homosexual. “ I just want a world where I can go to punk shows without getting punched and get a muffin without being hassled about what’s in my pants. I can’t do it alone. Will you help me?
